He had one of those small greek statue penises
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
