i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
