actually, I'm a sock model
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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