My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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