Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
