he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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