All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
