drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
