Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
