he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
