her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
