My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
