do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
