So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
