drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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