im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If that was your dad, he is hot
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
