dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
