I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
