i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
