I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
