Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
