Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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