The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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