Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize