On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
