he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
