So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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