I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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