its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ladies don't puke and tell
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
