Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
