We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
