It's a beautiful day for a hangover
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
