Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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