Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
