im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
