You can't special order awesome
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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