You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
