Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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