Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize