I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
