2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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