His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
