The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
