So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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