Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
