Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
