he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
