I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
