i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
third nipple confirmed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
