Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
