It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
