I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
