New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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