hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
