i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
