i already hear my dad disowning me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
