I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
