Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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