Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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