glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
