O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
