I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
