You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
