The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
