That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize