I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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