I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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