btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
