Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
